Science & Psychology

Total Reading Time: 14 minutes.
Let’s get weird. Float tanks. Sensory deprivation tanks. Isolation tanks. I’m not one to argue over nomenclature, so let’s keep it simple with float tank. Well, they’re here, and they’re taking over every hipster neighborhood in the world by storm. Facetiousness aside, this topic is exploding and for good reason.
Float tanks vary, but in general you will find a large tank filled with warm, body temperature water and around 1,000 pounds of epsom salt (here’s the Wiki). They are designed to shut out all light and sound, i.e., you are fully isolated and disconnected. You’re left with nothing but your bare naked body and your mind, all floating on top of warm water in a pitch-black tank. Interested yet?
My first experience at a float tank was well over a year ago. A very good friend of mine (who’s opinion I trust) was raving about his experience. I didn’t know much about these tanks at all. In fact, I had only heard about it once before from another float evangelist friend of mine through a couple Facebook posts.
One day my friend offered to take me with him to a place called Zazen in San Francisco. Being the overtly adventurous person I am, I made the prudent decision to say yes. Like any good friend, he gave me no other background about the adventure ahead other than to “let go”.

What to Expect from This Post:
Below you’ll get a 360 degree view of floating: what to expect, its benefits, and how to have a solid experience. My aim will be to distill this practice down to the essentials. I’ll also share my actual personal notes and give you a detailed account of my first experience. While no two experiences are ever the same, you’ll get a first-hand read on just how deep the rabbit hole can go (and this was just my first attempt). Trust me.

What to Expect When Visiting a Floatation Tank

There are a few different types of float tanks. The ones at Zazen are called the Samadhi Floatation Tank, and I like these because of their size and spacious nature. They’re very well made and quite industrial looking. The more commonly found tank is a pod style.
Many people are also building these in their homes, and there seems to be quite a cost-benefit to doing so. Joe Rogan swears by floating. If you want to get inspired, watch the short clip below. He talks about this on nearly every other episode of his Joe Rogan Experience podcast.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeqmKwsvM58?&showinfo=0&rel=0]
Your local float tank facilities should have a shower. You should shower before your float, but especially after because if you’re like me it will be one of the most relaxing showers you’ve ever taken (plus you’ll want to rinse all the salt off). After the shower you can head in the tank, close the door (all the way, don’t be scared), and lie on your back in the water.
But wait, is the water clean? Yes, after each float all the salt water in the tank is cycled through an advanced filtering process. In addition, the 1,000 lbs. of epsom salt that are dissolved into the water acts a natural disinfectant.
Okay, now you’re in. This is where the fun begins. Don’t worry about feeling claustrophobic, there is plenty of space in these tanks. At first you may have difficult relaxing, and this is a process that will take some time, around 10–20 minutes for most people. Once you relax enough, time may slow down and you can begin to finally disconnect from the outside world (and your thoughts if you let go enough).

What’s the Point of Floating?

It’s different for every person. Don’t expect anything, keep an open mind, and just let go. At best you will end up traveling through a rabbit hole to other dimensions. At worst you will have an incredibly relaxing experience so you can disconnect and let your mind and body relax.

Benefits of Floating

• Epsom salt does wonders for your body – improve your circulation, improve your body’s ability to use insulin, ease muscle pain, and regulate electrolytes.
• Promising in tackling “problems involving the autonomic nervous system, such as insomnia, stress symptoms, dysfunctions of the skeleto-muscular system, chronic headache, and the like.” – According to Dr. Peter Suedfeld in a Men’s Journal article.
• Reduce stress by lowering cortisol levels
• Manage chronic pain, injury, and illness
• Fight addiction and depression
• Elevate mood
• Improve sports performance
• Increase in the positive theta brain waves (this is the part of the brain that gets activated during meditation)
• Conditions improved: anxiety, insomnia, back pain, depression, pre-menstrual tension, and post-natal depression

How to Have an Optimal Flotation Experience

• Let go of your body and mind.
• Expect nothing.
• Don’t eat a heavy meal beforehand. Why? You may hear your stomach rumble in the incredibly quiet environment.
• Don’t shave immediately beforehand.
• Use earplugs to block out sound if you’re comfortable with them. Most floatation facilities will provide these.
• Close the door all the way to block out all light.
• Don’t be concerned about your safety or not being able to open the door. When your time is up, an attendant will knock on the door.
• Have an outcome or problem you want to solve? Feel free to use this time for that. Your thoughts will be incredibly clear.
• Want to learn something? A friend of mine listens to audiobooks on hyper-speed while floating.
• Let your body take over. You may find that your body naturally stretches or wants to move in certain directions throughout your float. Go with it.
• Optional: Some floating evangelists and patients use cannibus prior to floating to help relax and slow down the mind. Obviously, I’m not telling you to do anything illegal, this is for patients or those living in places where it is legal.
• Optional: Meditate. Here’s a video for beginners on how to do that.
• Optional: Direct your thoughts toward specific areas of your life, or let go and allow them to take you on a ride.
• Let go. Did I say that already?

Personal Notes from My First Float Tank Experience

Note: These notes are raw, and almost entirely unedited. I had no intention of ever sharing these notes. My hope is that by doing so I will be providing a glimpse into what’s possible. Please do not expect to have a similar result, it’s important to be open-minded about your experience. I transcribed my thoughts immediately after the float using my iPhone’s voice dictation. Please excuse the poor grammar and stream of consciousness style thoughts.
So first I went in and struggled for what felt like a long time. I was constantly trying to move around and find a new position that wouldn’t hurt my arms, they kept aching.
I was going through a lot of pain in general throughout the process, and could intensely feel all the spots in my body that have ever held pain before. I could pinpoint precisely where I have been holding a pain. I began to feel it in a couple different areas my of body, and realized I’ve been holding it in these spots for about a year and a half now.
I then started to relax a little more and really feel my body float. I let go more, then I started going through all these random thoughts thoughts about everything. Thoughts about family, friends, work. The first major profound thoughts I started having were about authenticity and needing to be myself. I kept focusing on this idea of why I am I’m not just being me 100% of the time.
Yes, I’m a genuine person, but I need to always be in that state and nothing less. Do I change who I am around certain people to please them? I had thoughts like this before, but actually feeling them is different. Overall, it was like someone was sitting next to me with a file cabinet and going through all the different areas of my life. Going through all the different things that they’ve learned, and just organizing all the different events in my life and connecting the dots. Showing me how X led to Y, and how it’s all tied together. Showing me how all my thoughts were actually premeditating my future.
Everything just started clicking and coming together. After my thoughts about authenticity, I started going through my different senses—the first one being my vision—my eyes. I started to imagine this huge beam of light in the shape of a triangle going in between my eyes in my head, and just bursting outwards. I saw all sorts of different shapes and colors—everything was very vibrant.
I started to focus a lot on my body and completely let go for the first time. In the beginning I was telling myself to let go physically, but it wasn’t happening completely. I knew this for sure because I had an experience where I began letting go of my body centimeter by centimeter, inch by inch, to the point where my face shape and muscles began to change as I went into a more relaxed state.
My mouth started to relax and my lips were coming together. Then my jaw started settling together. Slowly but surely my body began forcing me to let go and relax muscles I didn’t even know I was flexing or had tension in.
All of a sudden everything shutdown and this session was done. I could feel my nervous system twitch and actually felt my body twitch, and this signaled that it was the end of that episode. Crazy. Next I went through an episode where I thought about nothing but love. That love was the answer to all of the conflicts and different scenarios in my life. I could see how love was more than just an emotion and how it was an answer to many of our grandest problems—this had never occurred to me before.
I then went through very long episode where all I thought about were my fears. I went through them individually, every single one, and realized why I had built walls around each one. One of the fears (or rather should I say excuses) that I’ve been making is that it’s the not the right time to start certain projects and I need to delay because a later time will be better, even though it’s clearly a part of my vocation.
I realized that has literally been the real reason for my inaction, and felt ridiculous about it. I realized that this is because of a fear of success.
Around this time I also started to experience episodes where my body would align, and I would feel my neck expanding, my arms expanding, my body stretching out, and areas of my body that I had left cramped for years were finally letting go.
I realized that the pain I was feeling in my body was a way for my body to hold onto certain emotions [see: tension myoneural syndrome (TMS) for studies on this, and I could literally see this essence of myself trying to protect me by holding inside certain stresses and thoughts inside of my body.
I could feel the pain leaving my body, and I could also visually see it leave. It was extremely intense, I could watch and observe each area of pain being destroyed and just flowing out of my body like a toxin.
I felt degree of certainty that I’ve never felt before in my life, and it was different from other similar times I’ve felt the emotion. It’s different to study something and learn it, but to actually actually know something for the first time through physically feeling it is incredibly different. There were certain topics that didn’t make sense before, but were extremely clear while I was floating inside the tank.
The next episode was seeing me, Arman, in the best physical shape I’d ever been in, standing tall and feeling strong. I was watching myself growing and expanding into this Arman. As I felt this growth I started to also feel the energy and matter inside my body expanding. Suddenly, I could feel my body expanding and becoming one with everything all around me, throughout all of the universe. It was pure ecstasy. 
The biggest episode was experiencing for the first time what many refer to as the third eye. For no reason at all my eyes started to close and went towards the back of my head. I could feel my eyes going further and further back. At first I was a little hesitant and fought it. The force was powerful, as if my eyes were going to be pulled into the back of my brain.
I finally let go again and this force pushed my eyes backwards and backwards. They started wandering and shaking a lot. My eyes were practically pointed directly upwards, and they were shaking to the point where finally this third eye started to open up. And while this is subjective I say this because I had read about the third eye before and it was the only thing I could compare it to.
All this energy that was very positive and strong. It was flowing directly in between my two eyes, through my head, and through my body. It was one of the most pleasurable experiences I’ve ever had. And that brings me to another point. There was so many moments where I had to say things out loud, or laugh out loud, because of pure pleasure or brilliant ideas that hit me.
When something would suddenly make sense I would laugh or say something like:

Are you fu*king kidding me! I can’t believe I hadn’t realized that this entire time!

It was magical, mesmerizing, uplifting, and spiritual. More than anything it was just pleasurable to truly know yourself in a deeper way than you ever have before. It was like being connected to some source power again and being revitalized with fuel.
The climax was incredible. I was giddy, happy, excited, relaxed, and energized all at the same time.
[Later that day…]
It’s been three hours since the float. I am so pumped and energetic, I can barely control my energy, it’s kind of crazy. I keep laughing and getting excited about little things. There’s definitely a huge burst of energy and focus after a float.

How to Start Floating

• Find a flotation tank facility using this search tool. If there are none near you, visit when the next time you’re in a major city (like Zazen in San Francisco).
• Buy a float tank. Zen Float crowdfunded the first affordable float tank. Samadhi also sells them.
• Build one yourself.
• Buy a pre-owned one.

Conclusion

Floating is a unique experience unlike any other. If you have an opportunity to try it, I’d recommend giving it a shot. There are many benefits, and at the minimum it is an opportunity to relax and disconnect from the outside world.
It may not be for everyone, but from my experience I’ve found that most people do get something out of it when they are open-minded enough. My first experience was a wild one, so please don’t expect to have one like it. But know that adventures like this are possible.

Bonus: My Favorite Floatation Center in San Francisco (plus, a Discount Code!)

Being that I’m now a floating lover, I asked the owner of my go-to floatation center—Zazen—if I could send my friends (you!) to visit. He agreed, and was even kind enough to offer a discount code.

• Here is Zazen’s website.
• Make an appointment by calling directly. You may also be able to use their online booking system.
• Use discount code “member floats” and mention Arman Assadi sent you to receive a float for only $45, that’s 40% off. Floats are normally $75 for 60 minutes.

Additional Resources

• Float Nation (full movie) – a documentary all about flotation and isolation tanks.
• Floating Away: The Science of Sensory Deprivation Therapy – an article by Discover Magazine.
• Time Out: The Rise of Sensory Deprivation Tanks – an article by The Atlantic
• Embracing the Void – an article by Slate

Photo credit: Down the rabbit hole—CC license

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So, are you going to give floating a shot? 🙂

Total Reading Time: 19 minutes.
“We’re not all extroverts”, my friend and former co-worker said to me once. “We’re not?”, I sarcastically replied. Too often we forget that the lens through which we see the world is not the only one, and this is a topic I often neglect for that exact reason.
We often find that online entrepreneurs, solopreneurs, freelancers, writers, and bloggers are actually introverted by nature. And whether we’re extroverted or introverted, there are a few mental myths that most of us subscribe to. That’s where Katrina Razavi comes in.
Katrina first reached out to me as a reader of the site, and shared her mission of wanting to help self-described nerds improve their communication skills and confidence. Of course I told her to pursue the path, and she has.
Note: This is a guest post on tackling the mental myths that are holding you back from living your best life, written by Katrina Razavi. If you’d like to write a similar guest post for the site and reach a highly engaged audience, see our guidelines here.
Here’s Katrina…

Do you have control over that voice in your head?
The overwhelming majority of us do not.

I have interviewed dozens of successful business people who struggle with social anxiety and confidence. The common theme they always bring up is this constant self-analysis:

• How did that conversation go again?
• What is that person thinking right after I said a silly remark?
• Geez, I guess I’m not wired to be an [entrepreneur, businessman, engineer]
• I wish I could do that but… [insert lame excuse]

I want to address the four mental myths that are holding you back from living your best life, and show you how to get over them.
This can apply to social skills, your business, or making a change in your life. I want to share some of my personal experiences and also give you some strategies on how you can begin tackling some of these mental obstacles.

Mental Myth #1: Impostor Syndrome

In a nutshell, this is when you think you are a fake.
Wikipedia describes it as:

A psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds…Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.

This myth really hits home for me because this is something I struggled with for a while (and still do to a certain degree). It also happens to be common amongst high-achieving women.
I have spoken to dozens of entrepreneurs who struggle with social anxiety or awkwardness and this always comes up. We are talking about smart, ambitious people who work hard and believe in what they’re doing. They’ve accomplished awesome stuff and have the guts to take the entrepreneurial leap, but they still don’t feel like they’re a success—crazy.
You may feel this way if you’re constantly attributing your success to things outside of your control, or you’re worried that you will be found out one day.
I tackled a lot of my personal struggles with social skills and communication by starting my own business. The number one thing holding me back from approaching people and talking about my idea was that I had told myself I was a fake for no good reason.
It wasn’t until I seriously thought about what was holding me back and identified it as impostor syndrome (although at the time I didn’t even know this was a thing) that I started changing my perspective.
Impostor syndrome is harmful for many reasons, but it impacted me severely because I was constantly operating from this place of fear. A constant fear that I’d be found out, even though I wasn’t faking anything.
Don’t fall into that trap. Here’s how you can begin tackling impostor syndrome:

1.    Take credit where credit is due

A telltale sign of impostor syndrome is perceiving your success as luck or chance rather than crediting your own efforts. I like to tackle this in two ways: the first one is to take about an hour to reflect on things that you have accomplished and write them down. It could be something from high school up until today, big or small.

Writing down your success will help create a neural connection in your brain so you can relive that feeling of achievement. The act of recalling and writing down these important moments will jog your memory to think of what you did to make this happen.
The next step is to figure out what personal characteristics led you to success. Was it persistence? Deep focus and drive? Learning a new skill you didn’t think was possible when you started?
Try to identify what got you to success.
Moving forward, be sure to start taking note of things you have achieved in all areas of life. I keep a journal and at the end of each week, I’ll note down the things that I’ve accomplished both at work and personally [Arman’s note: I do a thorough weekly review. I feel superhuman when I do it, and awful when I don’t. You can see the full post and even download a summary guide and template here].
Doing this helps me link what I’ve done to my own natural skills and hard work. It also makes me feel good that I spent the week working on things that I perceive to be high-value and high-impact. Finally, when I track the items that lead me to progress I can replicate them to come up with more positive results in other areas of my life.

2. Don’t let fear take you over

When I launched my online startup I was constantly in fear. I was fearful that we’d never raise capital, fearful of pitching my idea and approaching potential investors. This fear constantly led to stress and a constant state of feeling overwhelmed. When I spoke to a mentor, he advised me to stop operating from a place of fear. I was taken aback. I didn’t even realize that’s how I was acting because it became the norm.

One of my favorite strategies from Tony Robbins is the power of asking questions. He advises us to ask empowering questions. These types of questions lead to solutions rather than directing our focus towards more problems. For example, the types of questions I used to ask were things like:

• How can this business go wrong?
• What will happen if we can’t raise money?
• Am I really smart enough to make this work?
• Will this VIP think my startup idea is stupid?

Contrast this with the types of questions I should have been asking:

• How can I make this the most impactful business on the web?
• How can I exceed customer’s expectations?
• What would extreme success look like?
• How can I start approaching VIP’s with more confidence?

Start analyzing the types of questions that you’re asking yourself.  Ask yourself questions that drive you towards solutions rather than ones that shift your focus to the negative. The power of questions is that it directs our focus—instantly. Changing a few habitual questions can become a game changer.

If you struggle with social confidence, stop asking yourself debilitating questions and start asking questions like:

• What would my life look like if I improved this area in my life?
• What’s the best person I think I can be?
• What does success look like?
• How can I start taking action today?

 3. Create your own definition of success

Personally, I felt like an impostor because my definition of success was distorted. Taking cues from the media, I started confusing success to only mean superficial things like making a ton of money or knowing the right people.
I felt like I was a phony if I didn’t raise a ton of money or make millions of dollars. What I should have been focusing on was providing value and having fun while doing it. I should have been enjoying the journey and not the destination.

You don’t have to learn the hard way. By honestly identifying your strengths and your areas for growth you can create more realistic expectations of who you are and what you truly want to achieve. Don’t limit yourself by any means, but don’t paint a picture of success that is solely superficial.
Go deeper. Think about the types of values that are important to you. Allow taking the journey to be part of what you perceive as success rather than just the destination.

For example, I just started a blog. Rather than falling into the same traps I did before, I’m now focusing on the value of helping people. Helping people is what encourages me to write posts that take me hours and hours to write, but knowing I can provide a ton of value to my readers is success enough, regardless of where I live or what type of car I drive. I feel better, I work happier, and I work harder. Try it out.

Mental Myth #2: Others have more [blank] than I do

Someone, somewhere in the world will always have more IQ points, money, charisma, skills or knowledge than you—and that’s fine. This is what makes the world an interesting place.
In the same vein, there’s someone else somewhere in this world who would die to have the things that you take for granted like clean water, a functioning car, a good job, etc.
Do you ever compare yourself to either of these groups of people?

In psychology this is called upward and downward social comparing.

• Upward social comparisons – are when we compare ourselves to people who we perceive to be better off than us. This may cause frustration and jealousy, but it can also serve as a motivator like when you put a picture of a fit person on your fridge to encourage you to eat better and exercise
• Downward social comparisons – are when you compare yourself to someone worse off than you. They may have fewer resources than you or may be going through tougher times. Generally, doing this will increase your self-regard and make you feel better.

Knowing this, we may be tempted to compare ourselves to those who we perceive as worse off than ourselves, but I urge you to do your best to stop comparing altogether.
Here are some ways to stop comparing yourself to others:

1.    Love what you got

Like Sheryl Crow says “It’s not having what you want. It’s wanting what you’ve got.”
Studies have proven that expressing gratitude leads to more positive benefits in other aspects of life like exercising, mood, goal attainment and more:

In a sample of adults with neuromuscular disease, a 21-day gratitude intervention resulted in greater amounts of high energy positive moods, a greater sense of feeling connected to others, more optimistic ratings of one’s life, and better sleep duration and sleep quality, relative to a control group.

These studies prove that expressing gratitude is a keystone habit. Charles Duhigg defines a keystone habit as “small changes or habits that people introduce into their routines that unintentionally carry over into other aspects of their lives.”
Developing the habit of gratitude can create positive ripple effects in other areas of your life, like sleeping, mood, and energy levels. It also forces you to focus on yourself and the things that you have rather than trying to analyze what others have.

If you want a few ideas of how to cultivate gratitude, try these tips:

Journal – On a daily or weekly basis take just ten minutes to write down the things you’re grateful for. I find that writing things down is more effective than just thinking about it, because it strengthens your neural connections to those thoughts, and writing makes it 30% more likely that you’ll remember what you wrote down. It’s also fun to look back on past entries from a year or a few months ago to see what you jotted down.

Meditate – Arman has written about the importance of meditation in a morning ritual and Tony Robbins explains here that he also takes a few minutes out of every morning to meditate. One of the things he meditates about are the things that he’s grateful for, and he always makes it a point to be grateful for one tiny but significant thing—like the sun or a bird chirping.
Reach out to friends – Whenever I’m in a crappy mood I force myself to call a close friend. I don’t overthink it, I quickly just dial a good friend and get into a conversation with them. Human relationships are the cornerstone to a meaningful life and reminding yourself that you have those connections is sometimes enough to feel grounded and appreciative. It can be a friend, family member, or anyone you’re close to.

2. Reduce unnecessary time on social media

To kick the comparison habit try decreasing time spent on social networks.
We all have those friends on our feed who are partying around the world, jumping off cliffs in Hawaii or driving a Ferrari. Passively following people who have these lavish lives has been proven to lower people’s life-satisfaction levels.
This study showed that more than one-third of respondents reported predominantly negative feelings after using Facebook. They were also more likely to feel envious and experience lower levels of life satisfaction.
Researchers said, “Passive following triggers invidious emotions, with users mainly envying happiness of others, the way others spend their vacations and socialize.
Social media is a fantastic tool, but it can also be a tool that tempts you to compare yourself to others. If you find it hard to kick the social media habit there are some awesome tools to curb your use like RescueTime or MinutesPlease.

3. Realize that we are small

The world is a huge place with problems that are way bigger than us. Keeping this in mind is a great way to stay grounded and stop worrying about what other people have. When you get caught up in your own bubble, do your best to get out of it.
Try encompassing yourself within nature. Go find a body of water, mountains, trees or anywhere where you can look around and gain a perspective of being tiny. Sometimes all we need is a new way of looking at things to get out of these negative mental habits.

Mental Myth #3: Analysis Paralysis

Analysis paralysis is the concept that over-analyzing decisions leads to no decision. In essence, the opportunity cost of not making a decision is worse than taking no action. Have you ever analyzed a simple decision more than you needed to?
Some things do deserve a mulling over to decide, but when we over-analyze a situation it can turn into a negative experience because you associate negative feelings towards it.
Here are a few ways you can fight analysis paralysis:

1.    Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your feelings

When we are analyzing decisions, we trick ourselves into thinking we’re doing so from a totally rational perspective. Modern neuroscience has proven that wrong.

Thomas Damasio, a well-known University of Iowa neurologist, has shown that decision-making happens in more than one part of your brain. Prior to his research, most neuroscientists believed that decision-making only occurred in the rational and most highly evolved part of our brains, the prefrontal cortex.
Damasio acknowledges that the prefrontal cortex is involved in decision-making, but so is the limbic system, which is a much older part of our brain responsible for emotions. It’s the part of our brain where we make value judgments as to experiences, memories, and if they’re pleasurable or not. These various parts of the brain work together to make decisions.
Decision-making can be difficult, especially when it comes to business decisions, where we tend to only focus on the data and the rational side of things. But don’t discount your emotions, they’re an essential and natural part of decision making, so try embracing them.

2. Understand your limits

Humans have limited willpower. In a classic experiment by Baba Shiv, a Stanford professor asked a group of people to remember a two-digit number, and another group to remember a seven-digit number. They were then walked down the hall into a room with two choices of snacks: either cake or fruit. Those who had to remember a seven-digit number chose cake 63% of the time, rather than the two-digit group who chose cake 42% of the time.

The experiment showed that it’s harder for people to make better decisions when cognition and willpower is used up. What can we take away from this?
Try to make decisions earlier in the day when you have ample willpower, after you have slept well and feel satiated. The point is not that you shouldn’t analyze, but that you should do it effectively and efficiently, which leads us to the next tip.

3. Timebox it

Give yourself a deadline to make the decision. Get accountable by asking a friend or colleague to enforce the date you choose, and put it on your calendar so it’s staring you in the face every day. This will force you to make a decision rather than procrastinate and not take any action at all.

4. Always take action

This is another action item I took from Tony Robbins who says, “never leave the scene of a decision without taking an action to make it a reality.
The decisions we make may be right or wrong, but whatever you decide go full force! You can do this by taking at least one action step to make it happen.  Make sure it is in line with your decision, makes an impact, and has a deadline. It doesn’t have to be a huge step, just one in the right direction.
Remember, when we make the wrong decision we can always course-correct, but not taking any action at all can lead to stagnation. Many times it’s better to make the wrong decision than to not make a decision at all.

Mental Myth #4: You think that people and/or the world “sucks”

I’ve done a lot of digging around in different forums, namely around social confidence and anxiety, and a common theme I come across is complaints about how people or the world sucks.
There’s a lot of crappy stuff that happens in this world, I won’t deny that. But the question is: what you do with those experiences? Do you replay those experiences in your mind over and over again? Do you blame those experiences for your shortcomings?
One of my students had a really negative experience at a networking event and she kept replaying the experience in her mind. It decreased her social confidence and stopped her from attending more events and meeting more people, which was essential to her startup business. She associated those types of negative experiences with all networking events.
Don’t let those types of experiences hold you back.
It’s easy to do, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Think about ways to come up with solutions rather than focusing on your problems. Realize that replaying these experiences in your mind only holds you back.

1.    Change your lens for just one day

If your typical state of mind is that the world is sh*tty, try changing that lens for just one day. It will be extremely difficult if you’re used to telling yourself the world is a mess, but give it a go.
Every time you catch yourself going into a negative frame of mind, force yourself to snap out of it and re-affirm that the world is a great place. You may want to say a phrase out loud when you catch yourself doing it, something to interrupt your pattern like, “wait a minute, let me reframe!”. You can even whisper it to yourself if you prefer, this will force yourself to interrupt your normal mental habits.
Another solution is to change your body language. Try smiling more than you usually do. When something pisses you off, send your body a totally different signal than you’re used to. Instead of frowning…smile! Sometimes extreme attitudes need to be combated with the opposite extreme attitude. Your physiology and facial expressions can deeply affect your mood, so take advantage of it.
After doing this for a full day, take some time at the end of it to identify how you feel.

• How was your day different?
• How did you treat people?
• How did people treat you?

2. Focus on the now

The popular book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle explores the importance of being present in the now. This means leaving the past behind and only using the past for practical, present matters—to inform the now. This will help you from reliving traumatic experiences that never serve you.

Tolle distinguishes what he calls clock time and psychological time.

• Clock time – is the practical matter of time including learning from the past, goal setting and doing our best to predict our future based on our experiences
• Psychological time – is the psychological construct of time that gets in the way of being in the now and turns into negative self-talk.

His advice is so important I will quote from him directly:

…if you made a mistake in the past and learn from it now, you are using clock time. On the other hand, if you dwell on it mentally and self-criticism, remorse, or guilt come up, then you are making the mistake into me and mine: You make it part of your sense of self…which is always linked to a false sense of identity.

The point is that you don’t have to identify your sense of self with your past mistakes or experiences. You can use them to inform your present, but you don’t have to overanalyze them and berate yourself.
Focus on being in the moment and feeling the real presence of even the tiniest tasks, like washing the dishes or cleaning your house.

3. Don’t be selfish

Instead of focusing on how the world is treating you, why don’t you think about how you’re treating the world? Rather than making yourself the center of the world, think about how you can serve the world around you.

A negative perspective is contagious and can spread to those around you via emotional contagion and mirror neurons. By accusing the world of rallying against you you’re making yourself a victim rather than taking control of your life.
Put your ego aside. Stop judging other people and the world around you.  Approach the world by offering up value you can provide. How can you make the world a better place? What are you excited about?
I recently interviewed Jason Comely, inventor of rejection therapy. He struggled with social anxiety and rejection his entire life, and recently got over a lot of these obstacles. One thing he mentioned was that he wished “he was more focused on being useful and charitable to others and less focused on (his own) struggle. A person who is charitable and useful to others will always have friends and social opportunities.”
By focusing outwards and providing value to the world you move away from an egocentric view of the world and this permeates to those around you. Remember, winners want to hang out with winners. So, make yourself a winner. It’s within you.

Conclusion

Many times the greatest thing standing in our way is ourselves. If you’re suffering from impostor, syndrome start taking credit for what you’ve achieved, operate from a place of security, and make sure you’re defining your own version of success.
If you are always comparing yourself to others, start being grateful for what you already have, try cutting back on unnecessary social media, and gain some new perspective. By proactively changing the way you view the world and make decisions, you can combat these negative mental myths and start living your best life.

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This is a guest post by Katrina Razavi, founder of CommunicationforNerds.com. If you found this post helpful, visit her site and get your free eBook: 5 Ways to Avoid Awkward Conversations NOW!
Katrina helps people who struggle with social anxiety and social confidence by sharing strategies using change psychology, confidence building and habit transformation.

 

References

1. Robbins, Tony. Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny! Free Press: 1992.
2. Tolle, Eckhart. The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Namaste Publishing: 2004.

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Photo credit: Anxiety—CC license

Total Reading Time: 5 minutes.
You walk into a cafe ready to place your laptop down on the nearest table and get some work done. Sitting opposite you is a person around the same age.
From the way he has his laptop positioned on the table you can see there’s not enough space for your laptop too, so you start thinking about how he’s taking up too much space.
You know you need him to meet you halfway and share the space so you can also sit and place your laptop down. Yet, before you even request this of him you decide (casually) that he’s probably going to give you an attitude.
“Hey there, do you mind moving your laptop a little so I can put mine down too?” You ask in what you imagine to be a kind tone.
“Umm… (sighs heavily) I mean I can move it, like, a little. There’s not that much room.”
Just as you thought he’d react. What a jerk!
“Really? Okay…” Not only does this rile you up because it’s rude, but it also confirms your fleeting predictions.
Where did this prediction come from?
Why did this prediction even enter your mind?
What use or value does this prediction serve?
Furthermore, is it possible that our entire lives are premeditated by these thoughts?
 

Premeditation—what does it all mean?

Even the next 10 seconds of your life is premeditated by the thoughts you currently hold in your mind. In this example, which is something that happened to me personally, I felt I was in the right and the outcome served my premeditated thoughts.
In fact, I previously thought I could predict how people would behave before they even took action. What a ridiculous notion. The thoughts on your mind aren’t just predictions, they are creations.
Not only does this premeditation create my reality, but it’s really just a futile method of feeding my own ego. I realized all this in a moment of self-reflection later that night. With time, it also became very clear to me during my year of solitude.
I thought back to all the times I was kind toward others and held a positive belief in my mind. Every single time these people ended up being genuine, considerate, and memorable. How is this possible?
Every single time I’ve experienced a magic moment it’s because I consciously created it. It’s possible through the power of premeditation. This is simply a way of saying that the thoughts we hold in our mind create our immediate short-term and long-term reality.
Think back to all the magic moments you’ve experienced. Were they purely accidental? What if we could create more of these, as often as we liked? Most of the time you consciously create them because of your state and mindset.
You can choose to be the cause, not the effect.
 

Another example: the long-term effects of premeditation.

Justin is 17 years old. His parents have always been very sensitive about money. People in the world around them with money are not viewed with respect or awe, but with jealousy and anger.
Justin observes and internalizes this for years. He is conditioned to think and feel a very specific way about money. By the time he is an adult, his ideas on success, career, and finances are largely pre-determined.
He hasn’t found it necessary to make intentional use of his greatest tool (his mind) to create his own beliefs. Instead his mindset has already been conditioned by his environment. But this is not his fault, he just hasn’t been exposed to the right ideas and people yet.
Justin goes through his days believing he’ll lead a very simple, average life like his parents. He’s never been exposed to thoughts outside of poverty or barely getting by. Five years later, Justin is 22 years old and fresh out of college. He doesn’t have any idea in the world what he wants to do with his life.
He can barely answer the question, “what do you like to do for fun?” let alone what he’s passionate about. He submits himself to a mediocre job and a 9-to–5 life.
Justin never seeks to learn more, grow as a person, or even climb the ranks at his company. “It’s not worth it, after all, I’ll never get there anyway. Those positions are for people that have connections and can get hooked up, not someone like me.”
Justin continues the cycle of limiting beliefs. Ten years later, Justin is 27 years old and in the exact same place he started — except worse. Every day the thoughts in his mind obsessively circle around lack and worry.
The majority of the time he’s focused on just barely getting by. He’s never given himself permission to think outside of this scope, therefore a large percentage of the time is spent focusing on negative thoughts and fears.
He continues to encounter new situations, each worse than the last, all coming from a place of fear. Little does he realize that his thoughts and focus are what is continuously premeditating the sadness in his life.
 

How to become the captain of your ship.

Justin is just one example of a person premeditating each day of his or her existence. Every month, year, and decade of his or her life is determined by these simple thoughts.
Whether it’s 10 seconds from now or 10 years, we not only have the ability to shape our existence, but it’s our greatest responsibility. The present (a gift) must truly be treated as such, and it must be realized that this is the only thing that truly exists.
The ability to create and premeditate is instilled within all of us. A key difference between the most fulfilled people and great teachers/leaders of our time is that they understand this principle and hold it close to their hearts.
They live by this principle and treat their minds like the sacred, golden temples they are. Fort Knox level security is installed to prevent any negative thoughts from entering the mind. It is protected, cherished, and used as a tool for good.
Our lives, whether we realize it or not, are entirely premeditated. Not in the religious sense or through an outside force, but from our own selves. The deep down, true inner self. The captain of the ship.
That is what creates, leads, and defines our existence.
 

More Resources

1. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck
2. Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill

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I’d love to hear from you on this one. Leave a comment below, and let me know your thoughts.
Photo credit: Future—CC license

I was sitting under a bodhi tree when it first happened…
Enlightenment.
And then I woke up from my dream and felt the sharp shooting pains in my ankles.

Years of soccer has token its toll, and I can barely sit cross-legged for more than one minute. I got up, laughed it off, and thought “maybe one day I’ll figure this stuff out.”
Something has always intrigued me about meditation. We’ve all heard about the many benefits (summary of research studies, Harvard Business Review, Wired Magazine). Why then do more of us not partake in this ancient, beneficial spiritual practice?
I have a theory:
a) When we do try, it’s frustrating. We quickly give up because “the chatter in the skull” doesn’t stop.
b) The people that do meditate aren’t communicating in a way that makes sense to outsiders. The steps are ambiguous.
c) It seems too hippie and new-age for most people.
In this video you’ll get a basic introduction to meditation. If you’re not sure where to start, or think you’re too busy or not hippie enough for meditation, this is for you.

Meditation 101 Video

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3y3I-qVWVM?&showinfo=0&rel=0]
Hope you enjoyed! Below you’ll find a list of resources mentioned in the video. I’ve also included materials that have been instrumental throughout my adventures with meditation.

Links to Resources

1. Insight Timer app – After experimenting with close to 10 different meditation apps, I finally settled on this one. I use this app daily. There are around 70 incredible guided meditations, and a useful timer for doing your own sessions.
2. The Art of Meditation by Alan Watts – HIGHLY recommended. Alan Watts was a brilliant man, and in this video he touches on meditation. This explanation of meditation is what caused the breakthrough for me.
Note: Yes, it is a long lecture, but so worth it. If you’re interested but don’t have the time, here is a 14 minute version of the best parts.
3. Gratitude: Louie Schwartzberg at TEDxSF – A beautiful video about gratitude. Great way to start your morning.
4. Start Your Day (Guided Meditation) – A simple, powerful 7 minute morning guided meditation.
5. Blissful Deep Relaxation (Guided Meditation) – The YouTube channel that created this video, HonestGuys, has awesome content. This is worth checking out.
6. Tibetan Bowls Sounds – This is just the relaxing sound of tibetan bowls, which are perfect for meditation.

1. How to Stop Being So Busy – A video by yours truly. This will show you how to stop being so busy and instantly reduce any stress you might have, especially during high pressure situations.

The 21 Day Challenge

Step 1: Commit

Commit to meditating every single day for 21 days. Give yourself a strong enough why i.e. strong reason. Make this commitment to yourself, and one accountability partner.

Step 2: Write a Check

What do you stand for? Are you an animal rights activist? Do you support a political party? Are you pro or anti anything? Is there a group of people you just can’t stand?
Write a check made out to an organization that you simply cannot stand. If you can’t think of anything, do the IRS. Make it for an amount that will hurt, a lot. $1,000 is plenty for most people. Now, give that check to your accountability partner (send it to them if you have to). Tell them exactly what your plan is, and tell them that their job is to hold you accountable to this challenge every single day.

Step 3: Report Back

Let us know how you did. Report back after 21 days and tell us: What were your results? Did you succeed or fail? What benefits did you experience? Tell us in the comments below.
Also, I recommend you commit to forming a new habit as soon as this one is done. Do the exact same 21 day challenge, and enjoy the process.

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Do you know someone who’s tried to meditate and given up? Or perhaps you have a friend who’s interested but never tried? Send them this video/post so they can do the 21 day challenge too. 
Photo credit: Meditation — CC License