Total Reading Time: 5 minutes.
If you retrace the steps that led to success for the most popular, famous leaders that we know today, you’ll often find that it was a single relationship that catapulted them to success.
Here’s Uber in their early stages:
@KonaTbone heres a tip. email me 🙂 graves.ryan[at]gmail.com
— Ryan Graves (@ryangraves) January 6, 2010
And we all know the value of relationships. We all know that your network is your net worth. That you’re the average of the five people you associate the most with.
That’s not what this is about.
What I want to do is give you the five steps for becoming friends with celebrities or world-class people. I’m talking about celebrities and people that are generally unreachable for the average person such as people that we know who already have their tight-knit group of friends.
A lot of people have been asking me this lately. “How have you been doing that? How have you been connecting with a lot of incredibly talented, successful, world-class people?”
It really comes down to five steps, so let’s just jump right into it.
Step 1: Trust Your Intuition
The first thing you have to do is trust your intuition. What I mean by that is that you have to feel a genuine connection with that person. You have to feel that not only you can be truly friends with them, but there has to be something deeper there.
It cannot be only for your own good because people smell that BS and they know that you’re selfishly just trying to become friends with them for your own purpose, for your own benefit. That is a huge turnoff.
So you have to feel an intuitive kind of attachment to that person, a sense that you have to be friends with this person. A sense that your models of the world match. That’s step one.
Step 2: Mutual Benefit
Step two is that you have to find a unique way to add value and help them. You have to make their life better, easier, whatever the case may be.
So if you already understand their model of the world, then reverse engineer and ask,
“What is one of the biggest pains and needs in this person’s life? What could they really use help with right now? Do they need to get their website redesigned? Do they need connection? Do they need to reach more people? Do they need a good lawyer?”
It really doesn’t matter, but that’s where you have to actually identify how can I add the most value to their lives. And truly, you may not get it right the first time, but once you start having a conversation with them you can identify what those pain points are in their life.
Step 3: Take Action — Do It!
Number three is that you have to actually do it. You have to take some freaking action and do it and add value to their lives and really do it, even when it’s difficult, even if it’s something that you normally charge a lot of money for.
I’ll give you an example. The way I elevated my consulting from working with average small businesses to working with world-class people was by doing free work for the world class people (read Charlie Hoehn’s book on this).
I don’t want to use any specific examples, but one I’ll give you is Lewis Howes. He’s a New York Times bestselling author, and now also a friend of mine.
When I met Lewis I offered to help him for free. I said I’ll look over his product launch and basically help him with copywriting and give him free strategy advice. I did it because I want to help him, and I really did.
I spent about 20 hours of my time, which is hundreds of dollars an hour that I sacrificed in order to help Lewis because I felt a connection with him. He’s like a brother to me. I knew he was going to be a friend and I really truly wanted to help him. This is just one example.
Once you did that and they see the results, they’re going to want to either become your friend, or become your client, or want more from you. I did it as a favor for Lewis and that was one way that you are able to get in.
So you have to take action, even when it hurts, even when it’s difficult.
You have to actually do it.
And this is where most people fail. They’ll do step one and step two and then it comes time to actually help this person and really add value and they don’t do it. The reason you have to follow through and actually add value to their lives is because everyone wants to be friends with them. Everyone wants something from them. But if you’re the one that gives something to them, you stand out immediately.
It’s like getting a job, right? Do the work upfront. Show that you can already do the work and you’ll get the job. They won’t even interview anyone else. So that’s that.
Step 4: Dedication — Meet Them in Person
Step 4 is you have to meet up with them in person. You have to do whatever it takes to get some face-to-face time. Show you’re a human being. Show who you really are on a friendship level.
That’s as simple as it gets. I don’t care what it takes — if you have to use points for flights, if you have to stay at your mom’s friend’s house. Do it. Get to their city. Meet where they are. Go where they’re going and meet in person and offer to take them out to dinner.
If dinner doesn’t work offer breakfast. If breakfast doesn’t work offer a coffee. Just meet up, even if it is only 10-15 minutes. This also happened to me before so it’s worth it. Take it, trust me.
Step 5: Be a Friend
Don’t forget that this isn’t about business, even if your ultimate intention is a partnership of some sort. Remember that if you focus on the business, you won’t show up and talk to them like a real friend. So don’t talk about like there’s some sort of celebrity or they’re above you and you’re intimidated.
Remember, you went into this for friendship. Show up and talk to them how you talk to an old friend. That’s what they want too. That’s all they want.
That’s it. Those are the five steps. Now go experiment and try them out in the real world. These things take time and need to be organic, but a single relationship can be life-changing.
Once you begin to experiment with this and shift your mindset toward actually helping others rather than wanting something from them, you will begin to see results. People will naturally want to be around you.
As always, let us know how it goes and what new friendships come into your life as a result of these five steps.
Photo credit: Friends—CC license